The chapter of this monster A levels has finally come to a close with us receiving our results yesterday. Been so long since I last blogged about What’s going on in this pretty much aimless and mediocre life of mine.
The weekend was probably the longest I will get in bmt and I’m glad to have spent it with people who I cherish a lot. From the first intentions of going to Ms Ng’s house to end up returning to VJ to talk about life before ending with a dinner at simpang with jov, ming, gene and chin.
Results day finally came and I must say going to amped was a good way to keep our minds of what results we were going to get pretty well cause we literally jumped our worries away for that one hour, everyone was going nuts doing stunts and just falling around everywhere. An hour of pure laughter and smiles brought much peace to the heart for this light hearted atmosphere was traded with an extremely tense one in the hall as we sat down and awaited the principal’s address. The knowledge of hearing how well the school did raised my hopes of really pulling off a miracle just like in one of my dreams but when the time really came and I saw the results. I wouldn’t say my heart sank but rather I just stared at it and hesitated before taking a seat in front of my teacher. I zoned out and was kinda in a blank state of mind.
Walking back with the result slip I didn’t know what to say for the initial 15 minutes it was a weird moment as we all counted our rank points and as I heard of how well others have fared. And you always will feel inadequate when you get results short of others and may never seem satisfied. But that emptiness in me was in fact me going through the process of facing reality.
First is realization. I realized the results I got wasn’t as good as expected.
Second is acceptance. I kept silent to myself, stared at the alphabets and look up to see the world, internalized whatever I saw, breathe a sigh of relief and accept it.
Third is recollection. Gather your thoughts of the past, were your actions the cause of an unfavourable outcome now? If it doesn’t seem so then think about the whole process in general were there times that made this process worthwhile? If there were then understand, will you want to trade the process something experienced through a few years for a mere better result that gives satisfaction for a few hours? For me I wouldn’t trade my JC life for anything else.
Lastly, move on. Taking that slip I slot it into the bag and happily forgot about what the day was actually meant for.
The range of emotions in the hall widely varied from shouts and screams on one side of the hall you can see a handful of others in tears while some just leave the hall quietly. And that’s the sad part of being in a top institution where majority of the cohort performs outstandingly but not forgetting the smaller groups of friends who may not have done sufficiently well. We live in a world that is never fair, people who may have worked their ass off may not have got What’s desired and those who couldn’t care less may receive a miracle. How do we explain that? Our merit based society will only look at that final grade and conclude about your two years spent in this school. Without that decent alphabet it will be tough to explain yourselves to future employers and interviewers. Not unless you do have real valid points to bring up.
The collecting of results happened all so quickly soon enough everyone was walking around and asking of their friends and how they have fared. The odac peeps met up to get a photo with our teachers too after getting our results and to talk to them about it. Many happy faces but also some disappointed. I, probably in the neutral side. Honestly when I saw my friends in that state of worry and not knowing of what to do I did one to go up and cheer them up but I didn’t know how to exactly approach them.
One friend cried pretty badly. In the past when this friend did badly I always sought ways to cheer friend up but this time round it was the real deal and I was unsure. Will my words affect friend more and what words will exactly be suitable? Felt cowardly and really need to be more confident of myself. 4 weeks into the army and this aspect of me has not exactly improved. When will I learn? But friend I know you’re going through a really rough patch especially with the inability to make much of a decision now. But stay strong for you have overcome such tough periods before. It’s not the end of the road now but a chance to explore what you really wanna do. So I hope you will find your way soon and cheer up (:
A levels are filled with stereotypes, stereotypes that people from good schools will definitely do well and vice versa. But that’s not true at all, we still can falter, we are not invincible, we are not gods. But one thing remains we are people who don’t fall without picking ourselves up.
Definitely will miss VJ a lot and the friends all around.
And by the way, in case you wondered Why I say you can’t stereotype students is because even in the best of schools, students may end up with only 2As, 2Bs and even 1C but we accept it, look forward and move on as a stronger person. That’s what I got in case you were wondering. But all else still stays the same.
Once a Victorian, always a Victorian.
Nile Sine Labore 🙂