Don’t Let Small Failures Blind you from Bigger Goals

Finally back writing. Have not been writing as frequently ever since I took up ACCA (an accounting qualification) whilst serving in the Army.

But guess what? Someone’s finally free!! Finally completed my mandatory national service 2 months ago. Indeed, mundane 2015 ended off nicely with a trip to Melbourne followed immediately with a successful, crazy trekking expedition up Mount Rinjani in Lombok, Indonesia.

It was my first time going off on a solo adventure (despite it being only for a week). But I definitely need to go for another solo adventure in the near future.

Great to be back climbing after so long.

Cycled for 50km from Lilydale to Warburton

And yes! Brighton Beach. Feeling the wanderlust yet?

Atop Mount Rinjani! (the climb was insane, was literally dying)

The bestest bunch to do crazy things together

It would be inaccurate to say that 2016 got off to a bad start. Rather, I have never welcomed a year in such a hyped up, exciting fashion before and for that I figured that everything will only get better.

Indeed, it did get better, MET FUNFORLOUIS HAHA

but,

WRONG.

Thereafter, it was a harsh return to reality. I scrambled to finish my resume for it to be sent to multiple companies hoping to secure a media-related internship particularly in the fields of videography or journalism.

For the past two years, my interest in filming and writing grew substantially (okay I did not quite write that much). When I was helplessly confined to my bed, I spent almost everyday finding interesting content to satisfy the inner desire of wanting to learn more of whatever that was going on around the world.

So I figured that the best way to learn was probably an internship?? After all, you get to see how the real world is like, how things are done and pick up new skills.

Yet, 12 companies and 2 weeks later, I did not get accepted by any of them. Bottom line is, the media industry is a really tough place to be in (and yes I had been warned).

Either way, it was disappointing having tried so hard just to craft out a resume let alone write that many cover letters. At one moment, I even doubted my own ability to do well in this industry. Were my writings sub-par? And my videos too amateurish?

To see yourself fail at meeting your first goal in 2016 can be kind of deflating especially when an opportunity of learning falls through your grasp.

But that was only a small goal in what is to be an exciting year.

I wanted to intern at a startup, learn how one is actually built while taking my journalism and videography game up a notch by learning from professionals. Despite that being out the picture, it is no excuse to drop that goal. Sure there isn’t anyone to guide me but who says you can’t learn stuff from the internet.

Keep the bigger picture in mind and work towards it. Come up with new plans that will lead you towards the larger goal and you are still on the right track.

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For now, I have succumbed to the routine lifestyle. Ugh (have yet to muster the courage to drop everything and go.)

But.

I will continue to make Youtube videos. The goal of making films is very much alive despite it being in its infancy. Determined to work really hard on it.

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Shameless plug

If you’re keen to check out my amateurish works, you can click here

 

 

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Why I enjoy self-exploration

Inspired after exchanging ideas with my cousin, a topic I hold close to my heart.

finding-yourself

The year I turned 18, was a year full of questions about myself. I never looked back ever since. The more I asked, the more I wanted to learn about myself- who exactly am I? What purpose do I have on this planet? What am I made to do? Don’t these questions bug from time to time?

Self-exploration can be a very painful thing to do. Especially when you start to realise that there isn’t something you’re terribly great at. Not only will this affect one’s self-esteem, it may reach a point where one may question his own self-worth. You become more vulnerable and overly-emotional too. This is one of the downsides there is to self-exploration- to be hurled into a crater of self-doubt and disbelief.

Sometimes, it can be such a laborious odyssey that many may opt to run away from the hardships in the quest to find themselves. There are numerous twists and turns throughout the journey and it’s a necessary part of self-exploration, to go on this seemingly long fruitless chase of what actually matters to you. If everything was presented to you on a plate, how much of it will you truly cherish?

Then, we have people claiming how self-exploration is a waste of time in our current accelerated modern day life. For practical reasons many will choose to go about their daily money-making routine without seriously considering the goodness self-exploration yields. That’s how we get middle-aged adults complaining of the mid-life crisis they’re susceptible to. See what happens when you don’t self-explore?

Seems intimidating huh? This whole self-exploration thing which can turn one into an emotional wreck with the insane amount of time one has to spend on amidst the hullaballoo of our contemporary world. However, I have grown to love it over the past two years.

Our world, no matter how perfect you perceive it to be, will always be imperfect. Everyone, everywhere are forever chasing to reach the next level. It is a choice to follow that endless race or to pull yourself out amongst everybody to find your path- to run your own race. It takes tremendous courage to head down this alternative route especially with the horrors you may encounter, but believe me, it’ll be worth it. The lesser we have of the latter kind of people, the more our world is at risk of becoming a factory house, churning out impassive, mechanical robots.

The thing we need to get right is that self-exploration is never a one day or one week, sometimes not even a one year thing. It takes years of patience to genuinely find yourself.

We all have our individual interests, an activity we take much comfort in. One amazingly fun part of self-exploration is the discovery of new pursuits. The average person will get by with matters that allows him to survive. He is willing to dwell in the heart of endless routines without the need of novelty, this is a sad pattern in our growing capitalistic society. Before it becomes our modern day culture, let’s buck the trend and ask yourself whether you have any burning desires within. Have you taken any action to placate that rampant wildebeest inside you? What are you waiting for? Even if you’re devoid of any specific interest, there’s got to be a thing or two which you have craved to try. Now is the time to drop all your uncertainties and spend time to find out more about that particular potential escapade. The fear to take these strides forward has left many in their shells, unaware of the vast opportunities available in the world.

The human mind is the most powerful one amongst all species to have graced this Earth. In every one of us lies something locked deep within our mind. Will. Don’t underestimate this little fella especially if you haven’t completely understand the prowess of the human mind. And guess which agent holds the key to enlightening us about it, I’m sure it’s pretty obvious by now. Self-exploration is the tool to realising the true capacity of our mind. Whenever a task seems too overwhelming, be slow to assume that it’s beyond your means but quick to confide in yourself. When your mind tries to convince you that there’s no way around it, be firm to say “no”. Move on to ask yourself, where exactly is causing you problems and don’t panic if there’s no instant solution.

Instead, continue asking yourself for the first step. The first step is critical. If you haven’t noticed, these questions are part of self-exploration. We are unearthing our inner competencies we never imagine to have possessed. It’s these small questions that picks the lock of the door for access to the human will. Never surrender no matter how dire the circumstance. Rather, embrace the practice of self-exploration and work your way, little by little to exercise the will we all have to heave you out of the quandary.

I’ve said so much but you might not necessarily buy whatever that have been uttered. What if somewhere, somehow, my self-exploration goes wrong, what should I then do? For sure there’s that apprehension when you’re just starting out. But one thing you have to understand is that in anything we do, risks are always involved in one way or another. The day you re-discover what you’re truly passionate for and decide to pursue it, the next thing you know you might be struggling to make ends meet. Or when you’re trying to find a resolution to a matter but only to fall into a bigger mess that leads to even more trauma. It’s all part of our natural survival instincts to harbour such thoughts, which is why I don’t insist you to take up self-exploration. It may not be for everyone but think of it this way. Without attempting to self-explore, will your predicament get any better? Absolutely not.

How then, should you go about it?

The question you should be asking is “What do you want to do with your life?” and you’ll probably be able to decide whether or not to hop on this voyage. Yes, ask yourself that. That might be of help.

“What do I want to do with my life?”

Hold on, I see what you just did there.psspas

Apple or passionfruit? Make your mistake.

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Guan dropped by today and though he didn’t stay for long, it’s really nice reading what he wrote. Sometimes it may not seem that guys write cards that frequently, but through the two years somehow you can tell if that particular guy is a card person haha and yeah both of us pretty much are. (I’m straight just in case you’re wondering I’m gay over him, no please keep those thoughts outta your head.)
He adapted many quotes which meant a lot and reading them does bless one’s soul.
Using the street directory as a metaphor for life is indeed so relevant. We see the big picture of life, as though everything has been planned out on a map. But sometimes when we take a twist or turn, we may encounter crossroads or deadends and we are at a lost of how to carry on. It’s a journey, things happen unexpectedly and even if it seems like it’s a wrong turn, good things will come along that path and that’s how new discoveries are made in this special gift we are given- the gift of life.
Such lessons, reflections are invaluable. No matter how hard one studies for a test, life lessons will never be picked up, if we don’t experience life for itself.
So why all the emotional, reflective posts of late? It’s not because I’m mentally vulnerable and can’t help turning into this emotional wreck every night. As you know, I’m currently nursing this injury I had sustained two weeks ago and thus I’m having all the free time in the world to sit back and really think about life a little bit more and recently, much to my surprise the number of readers of my little online refuge has gone up a fair bit haha.
To be honest I really do not know who these people are but whoever you guys really are, I do hope after reading, you can get inspired and pick yourselves up if you do find yourselves in valley lows or if you’re just the average casual page glancer who also has too much free time. Why not sit back and think more of what you want to get out from your life in the near future or so, what new stories do you want to pen down for yourself? In anycase it’s great knowing there are people out there who enjoy reading stuff here. 🙂
For today, it’s more about undercovering one’s passion, that inner desire in you that burns so strongly you just have to learn more and more about as days pass. What drives you? That insatiable hunger you have for something that never ceases to end. If you haven’t quite figured, then you’re pretty much stuck in this rut with me.
I’ve told people, “I have passion for the outdoors, I have passion for the media.” But have I shown it? Maybe a teeny weeny bit for the outdoors part, but other than that, academically, no. I can’t find any passion in the books. I always remember the talks I had with odac.
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Yeah this bunch of people, okay maybe not every single one of them. But whenever the opportunity came and you just start asking each other what they truly love doing. Some love to teach kids so much, they volunteered to give free tuition, another loved the military he was so sure he’ll sign on haha and always trying to pull me in (but nah I’ll never sell my soul to the armed forces), another good pal found joy after hearing a doctor share about serving others and he has done us proud by hoping to pursue medicine. We too had a couple of dudes who really loved numbers, math and things financial and there is also this girl who love animals so much that she always dreamed of being a vet and even though she ran into some difficulties, still joined paws to help those little critters.
So yes, I was pretty much surrounded by people who know their passions yet everytime such talks left hanging on my end. Everytime the question was thrown back at me, “so Darren, what’s yours?” I had nothing much to say.
To face the truth, I have not found what I can honestly and sincerely say I will love doing for life.
Since young, life in generally was along the path called “mainstream”. I conformed to things around me, did what seemed to be the right thing, never really stepped out of my comfort zone to try something new. (okay partially cause I was bullied for a while so I tried keeping to myself at times, but I’ll save that story for the future if we do run into that topic again.)
But yeah, I didn’t go for any particular classes, special lessons or stuff like that to find out whether I truly had a knack or liking for something. While some found their true love for a particular sport or musical instrument or a form of art, I was just being the kid most kids grow up to be-dumb, dull and destined average adults, who go on to lead mainstream lives. (Mum and dad, if you were to read this, don’t kill me. I’m not saying you guys didn’t give me the chance to explore, I’m saying how foolish I was to not ask you guys for the chance to let me explore.)
I was into soccer as a kid, always loved playing the game, but never took it further than mere leisure kicking around at the park near my house in those younger years.
Then as I grew up, singing and music caught up with me. I started making videos of covers, but was always shy to sing in front of people.
Looking back, I wondered why, why I didn’t take these interests to the next level. To find out more about them and see where I could go from there.
I was too afraid, too afraid to make a mistake. My parents were afraid, afraid of making a mistake.
Put those together and we are a bunch of people fearing to make mistakes. But without ever risking to make a mistake, how will we ever know it is a mistake, how will we learn from the mistake to not make future mistakes. If we do not give ourselves a chance, just one shot at things, life will forever be on it’s auto repeat as to how our ancestors have led their lives, cause we are so scared to make the mistake we just follow and lead lives similar to theirs.
We need mistakes in our lives, that’s the truth it is through mistakes we realise how important particular matters, people or issues mean to us. Without it, life will be boring and by not making mistakes we cannot find adventure.
It’s time to cut out following the mainstream. Being a professional- a doctor, lawyer, accountant, engineer. I ain’t saying they are not good, but even though some people find their passion in those, that’s not me. As much security as those stuff bring and with the knowing that things won’t go wrong choosing those paths, in the long run things will work out. But life will be lacking something, that something starting with a P and that’s passion. Without it, things will not pick up once it hits a plateau.
But then again, how to find the passion?
We can only find out by following one’s gut. It may be a mistake, but we will sort it out then. However, it’ll definitely be better than not daring to suffer a mistake wouldn’t it? For who knows, if it was the right roll of the dice, it’s just the beginning of something great.